Cookies Eat Dinosaur

The Caramel That Tried To Escape

By Orange Planer, Virtual Ability member

It was a quiet Sunday afternoon when my wife said, “I need chocolate!”  I like to think I’m a good husband, so I raise my bulk off the couch to make my top-secret chocolate cookies.  Re-reading the recipe is always a good thing, so after doing that I promptly forget everything, mix all the dry ingredients, crack the two eggs into a bowl, and wait for the butter to soften.

After an hour or so the butter is softened.  The recipe doesn’t make a lot of cookies, so out comes the smaller bowl and the beater with the rubber scrapers on the edge.  Time to cream the butter (beat a lot of air into it).  The butter goes into the bowl, I start the mixer on low and slowly speed it up.  Great, the butter has gone from soft yellow to white with the additional air.  The recipe says to add two cups of sugar (to beat a lot more air into it).

We have trouble:  the sugar was combined with all the other dry ingredients.  Now what?  Well, there's sugar in there SOMEwhere, hopefully it will help cream the butter…  I add the first of two cups of dry ingredients and put the mixer on low.  Uh oh.  I forgot cocoa powder is light and prone to fly all over the place.  Result:  happy, graceful cocoa powder clouds rise into the air.

In for a dime, in for a dollar.  I continue adding dry ingredients with the mixer on low.  So far, so good, the cocoa powder clouds are subsiding, but the butter is sticking to the beater shaft.  Increasing the mixer speed from 2 to 4 should take care of that.

We have more trouble:  I did not wait until the dry ingredients were incorporated.  Now unhappy, not-so-graceful, cocoa powder clouds color the air around me.  It’s in my mouth, it's coating the mixer, the rest of the kitchen, and it's all over me.

Well, that did not work, so after turning off the mixer and scraping the butter off the beater shaft, the dry ingredients get incorporated.  Now it is time to finish creaming the butter with the mixer at high speed.  That is also when I realize the bowl is not big enough. Dough is starting to spew all over me and the kitchen.

I turn off the mixer, clean up the mess, and get out the BIG bowl, 5.5 quarts.

And, on a hunch to keep the clouds under control, I change from the beater with the scrapers to the one without scrapers.  I also bring out the two-piece bowl cover that has a ramp where I can slide in dry ingredients.  Of course, the way this day is going, it does not fit.  It was made for a smaller bowl.

All right, I remove the half of the bowl cover without the ramp, hold the part with the ramp in place using one hand, and turn the mixer on low.  With my free hand I try to put the cap on the vanilla extract.  I knock the bottle over, spilling a teaspoon or so on the counter and all over the instructions.  After picking up the bottle with my free hand, I’m starting wonder whether I should just go to the store, but my pride is at stake.  These cookies won’t defeat me!

I am still holding the half bowl cover with one hand, so I grab a cloth and wipe up the vanilla with the other hand.  I think about putting the cloth in the sink, say “heck with it,” and throw the cloth onto the instructions, 'cause.

Time to start adding the eggs.  This is a little tricky because the recipe says to add one egg at a time.  The first egg goes in just fine, along with about half the egg white using the ramp on the cover.  I wait for the egg to mix in, pour the other egg down the ramp and into the bowl… and somehow the egg yolk misses the ramp, breaking on the counter.  I sigh in frustration.  Well, there's nothing on the counter but cocoa powder, so I scrape it up and put it in the bowl and let it finish mixing.  Now it's time to put in the dry ingredients.

Well, the rest of the dry ingredients.

Trying to keep the unhappy clouds from happening again, I leave the mixer on low and pour a cup of the mixture down the ramp.  Had I forgotten that there was egg white on that ramp?  Yes.  A whole bunch of the dry ingredients sticks on the ramp, but most of it gets in the bowl.  But because the mixer is moving, unfortunately, my attempt at reducing the unhappy clouds is an abject failure.

Now there are angry cocoa powder clouds that make me think of Mt. Kilauea and I can barely see anything.  No wonder they evacuate people from around active volcanoes.

Finally, the remaining cocoa powder and the rest of the dry ingredients get incorporated, but as before it is sticking to the shaft of the beater.  I speed up the mixer to 8 to spin it off with no luck.

Time to bring out the muscle.  Out comes the silicone spatula.  I am partway through mixing the dough when I realize that (a) my trigger finger is bad – the right ring finger is locked on the spatula – I cannot change grip; and (b) remember when I said I stopped using the beater with the scrapers?  Yeah, that would have been useful right now.  About a half cup of the dry mixture is at the bottom of the bowl, unmixed.

I pull the spatula from my hand and unwind my finger with the other hand.  Now I can change grip from “fist” style to how I hold a pen.  I slowly (because I forgot silicone spatulas are freakishly soft!) mix the rest of the dry ingredients in.  I ask my wife if she wants to taste the batter.  After observing the kitchen, the bowl, the implements of destruction, and me she just licks my arm.

"Tastes good!" she says, and heads back to the living room.

I sigh.

The dough is now cooling in the fridge.  Everything's been wiped down, washed, put in the dishwasher, or otherwise sanitized.

But it will not surprise me if my coffee tomorrow turns out to be mocha.

Top Secret Chocolate Cookies

Recipe from Food Network

Yield: 2 1/2 dozen cookies
Level: Easy

• 2 1/2 sticks unsalted butter, room temperature
• 2 cups sugar
• 2 large eggs, unbeaten
• 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
• 3/4 cup Dutch process cocoa powder
• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• White Sanding sugar, for garnish (optional)

1. In a large bowl, cream the butter and sugar together with a hand mixer.
   
   
2. Add the eggs and vanilla extract to the creamed mixture and mix until combined.
   
   
3. In a medium bowl, mix the cocoa powder, flour, baking soda, and salt.
   
   
4. Slowly add the dry ingredients to the butter mixture and continue mixing until incorporated.
   
   
5. Roll the dough into TWO logs that are about 2-inches high and 1-foot long. Wrap the dough logs in waxed paper and place in the refrigerator for 2 hours.
   
   
6. Preheat oven to 350°F.
   
   
7. Once the dough is thoroughly chilled, slice the logs into 1/2-inch thick rounds and dip all sides in sanding sugar. Place dough rounds on a parchment paper-lined cookie sheet and bake for 10 minutes.
   
   
8. Cool cookies on a wire rack.

How to Write a Sympathy Letter or Letter of Condolence

Why you should write

A condolence letter is a way to express your sympathy for a person who is grieving the death of a loved one. It can be comforting to the recipient to know that they are in your thoughts; you are acknowledging their grief. Additionally, your letter honors the person who has died. Your note of sympathy won’t alleviate the grieving person’s pain, but it will provide a measure of comfort during the grief process.

Why you might want to write a shorter note instead of a letter

If you do not know either the deceased person or the recipient of your note well, and your statement of sympathy is a social formality, write a short note instead of a longer letter. Follow the same guidelines (below) for the content of a condolence letter, focusing on items 1, 2, 3 and 6.

When you should not write a condolence letter

It is generally not appropriate to write a sympathy note to someone you do not know or with whom you have only a passing acquaintance. In fact, a research study of the impact of an intensive care physician or nurse writing a condolence note to relatives of people who died in an intensive care unit increased the recipients’ depression and PTSD symptoms.

What you should include in a sympathy letter

Finding the right words to write in a sympathy letter can be difficult for many of us. The emotion of sympathy may come easier than expressing that emotion. You will want to be sincere and genuine, while being sensitive to the recipient. You may feel more comfortable about your message if you write out a draft first before copying it neatly. Think about what you would want to hear from a friend, family member or coworker if you were in the letter recipient’s place. Your words should come from your heart; there is no need to be fancy.

Yes, sympathy cards are available in stores, but they are entirely too impersonal. You can use one, but should include a handwritten note on the card, or a handwritten letter on a piece of stationery folded inside the card.

The letter can be addressed to the single grieving person or to the family as a whole.

Here are the six common components of a condolence letter.

1. Acknowledge the death. Don’t use euphemisms for death; we all understand what they mean. Personalize your letter by using the name of the person who has died.
   
2. Express sincere sympathy. (Remember, you do not know how the recipient of your letter is feeling, so you can admit that.) It is usually not appropriate to empathize.
   
3. Provide a detail about the person who has died. If you knew him or her, write some of your memories of that person. What were his or her special qualities? If you only know the letter’s recipient, write about how much the person who died meant to the recipient.
   
4. Remind the person you are writing to of their own strengths and good qualities. This can help them remember or learn how to deal with their grief.
   
5. Give a concrete offer to help, if you can. Think of specific practical assistance you can provide.
   
6. End your letter with an active thought, hope or statement of support. Show that your letter is not meant to end your involvement with the recipient. Remember that your letter is intended for the living, not the dead.

There are many online templates for condolence letters. Feel free to use one that offers a fill-in-the blank format, but personalize it as much as you can.

What you should not include in a condolence letter

Unless you are a member of the same faith as the recipient of the letter, avoid any religious wording or overtones. You should also avoid trite phrases such as “it’s for the best” or “these things happen for a reason.”

Remember that everyone grieves in their own way and at their own pace. Provide support, but don’t be pushy. Avoid discussing the cause of death.

Don’t make a generic offer of help such as, “Call me if there is anything I can do.” This puts the burden of calling on the person who is grieving. Instead, be specific with offers such as “I will bring a tray of cookies over tomorrow for your guests,” or “I will stop by next week to mow your lawn (or take you grocery shopping).”

Another thing to remember about supporting someone who is grieving

Before you begin writing your condolence letter, enter your friend's name into your calendar approximately 3 months and 6 months from the date of the death. This will remind you to make contact again. Many grieving people have felt that they are surrounded by support and love in the days immediately following their loss, but then they find themselves grieving and feeling alone in the weeks and months following, as if everyone seems to have forgotten the cause of their grief. Be a good friend and offer ongoing support.