Use Your Emotional Intelligence to Overcome Defensiveness

Someone says to you: “That’s the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard.”

Do you refuse to say anything further? Do you say, “That’s not what I meant at all!”? Do you blame the other person for never listening to anybody else’s ideas? Or do you say, “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”?

You’re acting defensively.

Defensiveness is a psychological self-protection strategy many of us use when we perceive a real or imagined threat to our ego, identity, or self-esteem. Our brain immediately senses an attack on our character, competence, or worth.

We then act defensively in order to avoid discomfort or shame, to preserve our self-image, or to protect our ego. Defensiveness might be a result of childhood conditioning if you grew up in a situation in which your mistakes led to shaming or punishment. Most likely defensiveness is an automatic reaction, rather like the fight-or-flight response to imminent physical danger.

Emotionally intelligent people know how to control this automatic brain reaction. They halt the defense mechanism so they can respond to the other person’s remark rather than react to it.

Emotional intelligence trainer Justin Bariso recommends three short phrases to say to yourself to defuse defensiveness.

• “This isn’t an attack.” It is the amygdala of the brain that triggers the fight-or-flight response as a survival mechanism. Reminding yourself that this isn’t necessary in the present situation helps the brain “cool off” because there is no physical threat.
• “They don’t know.” The other person may not have meant to upset you. Maybe they are just ignorant of something you know or lack the context you are aware of.
• “I don’t know.” You don’t know the other person’s reason for their remark. You are not aware of their stresses and insecurities, their knowledge, or the mental background they operate from.

Taking a deep breath after someone makes a cutting remark to or about you is a start. Then recall these three short statements and take a moment to carefully consider your response. Internal self-talk can deflect defensiveness that might lead to escalation of negative actions.

You might also consider using cognitive reframing. To learn more about this strategy to look differently at criticism, check out the poster set “Cognitive Reframing” on Healthinfo Island during November 2026. Here is the SLURL: http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Healthinfo%20Island/24/23/30

Do You Have Trouble Understanding a Pill Bottle Label?

Can’t remember what the doctor told you about taking those pills? Don’t know if you should take them before or after a meal?

You’re not alone.

A recent study of the health literacy of adults in their 30s to 50s found that about a third had trouble completing ordinary health-related tasks. People with less education, lower income, were unemployed, or identified as Black or Hispanic/Latino tended to have lower health literacy.

Unfortunately, people with lower health literacy may have more chronic health conditions and be taking more prescription medications. This is a recipe for future health problems. Those with the lowest health literacy are those who have the most difficulty figuring out when during the day to take each of multiple prescription pills. They risk having increasingly poorer health as they age.

If you have any confusion about your medications, it is wise to ask your pharmacist. A free consultation can clear up any misunderstanding you may have about dosage and timing of each of your prescribed medicines.

Toiletries Need Grooming Too

 

You’ve thrown away old makeup. Now it’s time to check on your toiletries. Some of them may need to be replaced.

Most toiletry items do not have expiration or PAO dates on their labels to remind us when to replace them. You will need to write your purchase date on the container or on a strip of attached masking tape. Then fast forward per the numbers below to know when to discard unused portions each item.

• Bar soap: 18 months-3 years

• Body lotion: 2 years

• Body wash: 3 years

• Deodorant: 1-2 years

• Disposable razors: every 5-7 uses

• Hair brush or comb: 1 year

• Hair spray: 2-3 years

• Loofah: 6 months

• Makeup sponge: 1 month

• Mouthwash: 3 years from the manufacture date

• Perfume: 1-2 years

• Shampoo and conditioner: 2-3 years

• Shaving cream: 2 years

• Sunscreen: 3 years (a lot less if stored in the car)

• Toothbrush: 3 months

You don’t need to worry about nail polish remover. It will last indefinitely.

Makeup Expires? Yes, It Does

We’re not talking about colors you thought were cool in high school or skin tone shades when you used to tan darker in the summer.

All makeup has an expiration date or shelf life. That’s because once makeup is opened, it begins to deteriorate. Some types of makeup can become dried out and unusable. Alternatively, moisture can encourage microbial growth that can infect your eyes and skin.

How makeup is used and stored also makes a difference in how long it is safe to use. How can you tell when to toss various items?

First, you should record when you purchased (or first opened) that tube of mascara or lipstick. Use a permanent marker on the container or stick on a piece of masking tape to write down the month (and year). That establishes the starting point.

Finding the expiration date on makeup is harder than with food. Not all makeup products even have any expiration information posted! But many have a Period After Opening (PAO) symbol. This looks like a little open jar with a number and letter inside it. Maybe it says “1Y” or “3M.” Those mean “1 year” or “3 months.” Now you can calculate when you need to discard that item.

Here’s a list of PAO dates for various types of makeup.

• Concealer: 1 year

• Eyeliner pencil: 2 years

• Eyeshadow: 1 year

• Foundation: 1 year

• Lip gloss: 1 year

• Lipstick: 2 years

• Liquid eyeliner: 3 months

• Mascara: 3 months

• Nail polish: 1 year

A special note about mascara: Don’t “pump” the mascara wand in and out of the tube. That introduces air, which dries out the mascara, and can bring in germs as well.

Proper storage is important to keep cosmetics fresh. Store products in a cool dry place out of the sun. The bathroom is not a good place to store makeup; it’s too hot and humid, which encourage microbial growth. Some makeup undergoes changes in color, odor or texture when exposed to high temperatures and sunlight.

A better place to store makeup is in a clear plastic container in your bedroom. If you keep each makeup item in its original box, that will cut down on damaging exposure to air, heat and sunlight.

Lipstick keeps well in the refrigerator. (It feels nice and cool when you apply it, a bonus in hot weather.)

You’ll also want to keep the items you use to apply makeup clean. Researchers found that nine out of ten makeup applicator brushes and sponges had nasty germs such as E coli and Staphylococci growing on them. They pick up these germs from your skin and from being dropped on the floor. (OOPS!)

These bacteria can cause skin infections and blood poisoning. Keep your skin healthy by washing beauty blender sponges after each use and replacing them every 3 months. Wash brushes you use on dry cosmetics once a week and those you use with wet products after every use.

Keep your makeup clean and healthy, and your skin will thank you.