August 30 is National Grief Awareness Day

What is grief?

Grief is an emotion you feel when you experience a loss. You can feel grief for any loss. You can even feel grief for an anticipated loss that has not yet happened.

Coping with grief is seldom easy. It is a highly individualized process. There are recognized stages of grief, but it is rarely a straightforward process from one stage to the next. Not everyone experiences all the stages of grief. The various stages of grief, in the order they often first appear, are:

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross identified these five stages of grief in her book On Death and Dying.

Grief may have physical, emotional, and behavioral effects. The physical effects of grief may include weight changes, either loss (from not feeling hungry) or gain (from stress overeating). You may become so tense that you are in pain. Your sleep may be disrupted, either by insomnia or by oversleeping.

If you are in the denial stage of grief, you may feel numb. But at some point you will begin to feel a mix of emotions. Common grief-related emotions include anger, anxiety, depression, guilt, or loneliness. Don’t be ashamed of all these emotions; they are all normal during the grieving process.

Your behavior may change while you are grieving. If you are feeling anxious, you may worry excessively about your loved ones and act overly protective. If you are depressed, you may not find happiness in activities you used to enjoy. If you feel overwhelmed, you may be unable to concentrate, be forgetful, or feel exhausted. You may talk excessively about your loss, or repeatedly tell stories about your loved one.

The initial emotions of grief can be so all-consuming that you can’t carry on with your normal daily life for a while. This is actually healthier than trying to ignore or bury those feelings. These are all normal effects of grief, and should pass with time. Allowing yourself to experience the emotions is part of the healing process. 

Everyone heals from grief at their own pace, some more quickly, others quite slowly. Grieving a loss never really ends, although the feelings lessen over time. The feelings of grief may come and go; this is also normal.

How can you help someone who is grieving?

People dealing with grief often need others more than they usually do. The most important thing for you to keep in mind as you offer support is that everyone grieves differently. Listen more than you talk. Just be present, and allow the grieving person to direct the conversation, or simply sit in silence.

Ask them how they are doing. If they are not feeling up to doing everyday tasks, make specific offers of assistance, so you know you are meeting their needs. If they need extra support for a mental health condition such as anxiety or depression, help them reach out to a medical professional.

Since there is no set timeline for the grief process, don’t withdraw from the grieving person. Reassure them that you will continue to be there to support them. Understand that specific days or times of the year can bring the grief process back around to previous phases, and that this is normal. Encourage them to keep moving forward with their lives and take care of themselves.

What is the purpose of National Grief Awareness Day?

Since grief can be difficult to understand, National Grief Awareness Day was founded in 2014 to support those who grieve and educate others into the realities of the grief process. It takes place annually on August 30.

In recognition of the challenges of supporting someone who is grieving, this day offers ways to get past the barriers that prevent us from reacting with empathy, patience, and, above all, understanding. Grief Awareness Day provides honest, factual information. It encourages open communication so everyone who grieves will have better care and support as they recover.

Here are some ways to celebrate National Grief Awareness Day.

• Learn good ways to support a friend or loved one who is grieving.

• Remember who and what you grieve.

• Consider joining a grief support group.

• Always take time for self-care.